I can’t decide if this is a rant or a daily thought. I don’t know if I have daily thoughts any more. The tape seems stuck somewhere between original thoughts and re-runs of old ones … Nothing original, wordless, thoughtless, blank …
She’s brought back to the present. A moment of mindfulness thanks to a toy hitting her in the head!
Boy says “sorreet” for throwing toys on her head. That is a new word he learned today. He does it again. Saying “sorreet” and giggling each time – sorry without remorse, and without stopping the behavior!
Much Like mom’s cursing – she sprinkles an occasional “shit” and fuck”, rightfully followed by feelings of guilt and shame, especially when boy is around.
You see she lacks the eloquent skills and proper vocabulary to express her feelings otherwise. English is her second, neigh third language. She does admit that even in the first two languages, she lacked the desired skills to speak otherwise. Hence the shame she feels is not merely for the use of foul language, no! She is equally embarrassed for her impoverished and lazy manor of speech.
and back to the present again –
Boy says “fuck”! Another word he has learned. He has been saying it often. Boy is 2. Mom is furious (and ashamed). Mom tried to substitute another word.
“fun”! (please, please, please)
“fuck”!!!! louder this time.
Mom gives up.
Boy brings his favorite book to mom. “Baa-Be, Baa-Be” he demands eagerly.
The book is Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What do you see? It is a little children’s rhyming book about 9 animals and what they see in each page. Brown bear sees a red bird, red bird sees a yellow duck and so on.
Let’s try reading it like him:
“Baa Bea, Baa Bea what do?” (That is brown bear!)
“I see wed-burd”
“Wed-burd, wed-burd what do? (… the red bird)
“I see yo-yo-dot” (… the yellow duck)
So on and it goes until we reach the green frog. One may guess what happens here – Let us listen:
“Gween fuck, gween fuck what do?”!
Mothering insecurities, gone (for now).