Words, oh words!

I can’t decide if this is a rant or a daily thought. I don’t know if I have daily thoughts any more. The tape seems stuck somewhere between original thoughts and re-runs of old ones … Nothing original, wordless, thoughtless, blank …

“Ouch!”

She’s brought back to the present. A moment of mindfulness thanks to a toy hitting her in the head!

Boy says “sorreet” for throwing toys on her head. That is a new word he learned today. He does it again. Saying “sorreet” and giggling each time – sorry without remorse, and without stopping the behavior!

Much Like mom’s cursing – she sprinkles an occasional “shit” and fuck”, rightfully followed by feelings of guilt and shame, especially when boy is around.

You see she lacks the eloquent skills and proper vocabulary to express her feelings otherwise. English is her second, neigh third language. She does admit that even in the first two languages, she lacked the desired skills to speak otherwise. Hence the shame she feels is not merely for the use of foul language, no! She is equally embarrassed for her impoverished and lazy manor of speech.

“Fuuuuuck”!

and back to the present again –

Boy says “fuck”! Another word he has learned. He has been saying it often. Boy is 2. Mom is furious (and ashamed). Mom tried to substitute another word.

“say, fun”!
“fuck”!
“fun”! (please, please, please)
“fuck”!!!! louder this time.

Mom gives up.

Boy brings his favorite book to mom. “Baa-Be, Baa-Be” he demands eagerly.
The book is Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What do you see? It is a little children’s rhyming book about 9 animals and what they see in each page. Brown bear sees a red bird, red bird sees a yellow duck and so on.

Let’s try reading it like him:

“Baa Bea, Baa Bea what do?” (That is brown bear!)
“I see wed-burd”
“Wed-burd, wed-burd what do? (… the red bird)
“I see yo-yo-dot” (… the yellow duck)

So on and it goes until we reach the green frog. One may guess what happens here  – Let us listen:

“Gween fuck, gween fuck what do?”!

Yap!

Mystery solved!

Burden lifted.

Mothering insecurities, gone (for now).

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The good, the bad and the ugly: Time to say thank you to the “bad”!

What a world we live in! It is full of contradictions. We don’t want war, but we love guns! We don’t want to be killed but we don’t seem to mind killing. We have businesses, military, defense departments, corporations, manufacturers, etc., depending on the very concept of war, killing and guns. What would happen to them if there were no guns or wars?

In one hand we don’t want disease but isn’t disease a part of life? If it weren’t for illness, would we know and appreciate health? In my profession, I learned to battle disease, to “cure” the ill and to advise the unhealthy to get “healthy”. God bless the unhealthy for my paycheck though! If all the unhealthy were “cured”, healthcare providers would be out of a job. Or maybe we want people to be temporarily out of “health” so we can get them back in line and make some money, we certainly don’t want the disease to go on and god forbid for “death” to happen? But what about the morticians, cemeteries and other fine businesses that depend on the very concept of death. Where would we put all these “undead” anyways? There won’t be enough room on earth, that’s for sure! What is wrong with death anyways? Turn on the TV and the big, bad ugly DEATH is all over the place. Irony is how both death and the “undead” are portrayed as threats. From blockbuster movies to fine television programing about vampires, zombies, witches, fairies and other imaginable and unimaginable immortals, human life appears to be underattack and something is out to get us.

One of my all time favorits is the “Law”. If everyone was good and moral and no one harmed anyone or anything and followed the “divine” ethical code, would we need the police, judges or lawyers? Everyone would do what he or she is supposed to and that would be that. If we “cured” the ill of the society, the only role any public officials would have would be to build parks, roads, bridges and schools. No need for all the fine people who work in the law enforcement business! Now I would love to live in that world but clearly that is an unattainable Utopia …

The bottom line is that we need the big, the bad, the sick, the dead and the ugly for our world to keep going. We need them all. So let’s just stop the hypocrisy and accept it for what it is. Next time a mighty fine policeman arrests the “bad” guy and the almighty judge sentences them to prison or death, it would be nice to tell the guy “and thank you for my job and my paycheck”!

Getting in shape: A Haiku + a little joke

To reshape our life
We don’t need a magic wand
Love, laugh, sing and dance

Let’s face it, everyone at some point or another wanted or still wants to to “get in shape”. But for every one person you show me who actually did get in shape, I’ll show you a hundred who did not. In fact for most people, getting in shape is one of those unrealistic fantasies that pretty much never come true, kind of like winning the lottery.
So I decided to redefine the whole “getting in shape” myth; to debunk it!
So after much deliberation and investigation, I figured out the problem. It is the “shape’ part that seems to create most of not all the problems.
So here is what I propose: Lets make the “shape” part of getting in shape, more loosely defined. Recalling geometry, when it comes to shapes, round, is a respectable shape so is square and rectangle. Let’s not stop there; fruit shapes for example to which the some female forms have so tastefully been compared to, such as pears and apples are also perfectly acceptable shapes by themselves. So lets stop losing the battle. Sure we can all get in shape, so long as the “shape” part of it is flexible.
Kind of like having only winners in children sports. Everyone wins! We too can win this thing!

Thanks for reading

A “stinky” joke!

Today I decided to share some of the lessons I’ve learned about “shit”. The reason I wrote it is because of what I see everyday in news. People, be it actors, singers, politicians or athletes whose “shit” is being “uncovered” and displayed all over the place as a source of entertainment. So it inspired me to talk about “shit” both the literal and the metaphorical variety … Don’t take it so seriously, it is meant for laughs and sorry if “shit” offends you 😉

1. Sometimes “shit” stinks because; it is, for lack of a better word, “SHIT”!
2. If it stinks like “shit”, it most likely is “shit” (Be sure to check if it is your “shit” before calling other people’s attention to it).
3. Although you may think your “shit” is worse than others, trust me when I say that your own “shit” stinks much less than other people’s “shit”.
4. When it comes to cleaning up the “shit”, once again, your own shit is way better than other people’s shit (the only possible exception is that of your children but only when they are really little).
5. The only time I don’t mind dealing with other people “shit” is if it is going to be discovered, because: a. I do a better job hiding other people’s “shit” and b. I won’t care as much if their “shit” hits the fan, and c. I get paid to deal with their “shit”.

Thanks for reading my ….!

My five o’clock shadow

In one of my favorite 30 Rock episodes, “Black Light Attack”, the lead character Liz Lemon talks about her friend “Tom” who would be visiting the next day to urge Jenna to come clean about her real age to the staff at TGS. “Tom” short for “Tom Selleck” is what Liz’s affectionately calls her mustache. We get to meet this “Tom” the following day as she comes to TGS with a rather impressive dark mustache atop her lips!

Let me introduce you to my own “Tom”, formerly known as my five o’clock shadow. As most Middle Easter, Mediterranean or other dark-haired women (I don’t know about Liz but Tina Fay is Greek), I have been blessed in the facial hair department, be it the unibrow or as Liz so eloquently called it, “Tom”! My Tom visits every two weeks or so and doesn’t leave unless attacked by hot wax! Why am I talking about my Tom? It is because my Tom showed up a week ago, but since I have started blogging continuously and I’ve been off work I haven’t made time for a wax-attack. The unibrow though not as impressive as in my teens, has also made an appearance. Having been with my husband for 13 years, he seldom notices subtle changes in my appearance. Today he noticed Tom!

While making an appointment for a wax-attack, I was reminiscing about my teenage years in Iran. In our culture, it was customary that young girls do not wax, pluck or pull their facial hair until the day of their marriage. In those days, having a teenage girl with trimmed brows or plucked/waxed mustache was not only frowned upon, but could also get her into trouble. Family would criticize her, boys would assume she was loose and she would even get into trouble in school.

That being said, those traditions were slowly becoming flexible and many unwed older girls did in fact get rid of their facial hair but typically after high school. It was during the winter break in my last year of high school when I was invited to a very upscale wedding and after seeking my mother’s approval; I had my face threaded. Let me tell you it was a liberating experience!

I got a bit of tongue lashing in school but that wasn’t the funniest part. The funny part was when shortly after this wedding I hung out with one of my best friends and her new boyfriend. We went out for ice cream and for reasons unknown to me, he noticed my plucked eyebrows. He started a heated argument about how girls shouldn’t touch their facial hair and save the site of their freshly groomed and plucked face for the eyes of their some-day-to-be husband on a who-knows-when wedding day! I was outraged. I used to think this old-fashioned and archaic opinion belonged to the older generations, not a modern 18-year-old boy. But I was wrong. To my surprise my best friend agreed with her boyfriend saying she would wait to pluck her face on their wedding day, which they did have no too long after this meeting.

In my defense I said, “but I don’t intend to get married anytime soon, or perhaps ever” then he gave me a you-should-know-better sarcastic answer, “perhaps you never would”. Glad to report that I did get married, albeit to a German who was and still is completely oblivious to Persian customs regarding female facial hair. In your face Omid! I am still good friends with both of them who now live in San Diego and have a teenage daughter who has her beautiful face waxed/plucked or what ever else they do these days) clear of any unsightly facial hair and she is 13 years old.

Interesting how times change, people change, even customs change, but stories remain with us. I look back fondly as I reminisce about those times. I had started this talking about my “Tom,” but since I’ll be saying goodbye-for-now to him, I want to pay this tribute to my “Tom” and the “Tom’s” of all other dark haired women and also to the great Tina Fay for the amazingly hilarious 30 Rock and Liz Lemon character.

Thanks for reading

Parmis
Jan 12, 2013

Clutter & dirt

Clutter & dirt
The house in disarray
But don’t bother me
I’m not here!

CLutter & DIrt
Piling every where
But don’t bother me
I’m writing here

CLUtter & DIRt
Hard to ignore
But I’m stubborn
And I do not care!

CLUTTER & DIRT
Coming over me
Fine, I give up!
I guess that is fair

I was inspired to do some mindful writing after reading the wonderfully talented bloggers Celestine Nudanu’s January Small Stones mindful writing challenge and her wonderful poem “Boys, Boys”. Though I am not participating in the formal challenge, I wanted to challenge myself into writing something about what was happening right now and this is the result! I used capital letters to emphasize the enormity of the clean-up task ahead of me tonight. Thanks for reading

Here is the link to her blog:
http://readinpleasure.wordpress.com/2013/01/12/january-small-stones-boys-boys/#comment-6846

Parmis 1/12/13

A Gym Joke

I recently joined a fancy Gym. It is called an executive Health and Fitness Club so right there you’d know it must be awesome! They just opened their doors 2 weeks ago and I’ve already lost 4 pounds. I think the key was signing up for an Executive Gym. I paid my dues and even though I haven’t yet set foot in this fine establishment, it is working marvelously!

This being my 3rd attempt at Gym-going, with the first one when I paid for 1 year and went 5 times, and the 2nd time when I paid for 4 months and went 7 times without any weight loss has brought me to a ground breaking discovery. The first two were just plain regular gyms and not executive. The key is in the executive part, because I’d already mastered the not-going-to-gym part.

One explanation could be if I were cutting the equivalent of my monthly gym membership, out of my food allowance, but I am not!
A more plausible explanation is that I started blogging obsessively a week a go, and all this typing not only burns like 10 calories per day, it also distracts me from wanting to eat!

Either way, if you, like me want to try a Gym I’d recommend you give an executive one a shot!

Liar, liar, pants on fire!

One of the commonly used futile questions that often makes me laugh is: “Are you a liar?” or “Are you lying?”
Anyone with even the most rudimentary knowledge of logic would know this question leads nowhere.
When asked of a truthful person: It is truthfully answered: “NO”
And when asked of a liar: It is untruthfully answered: “NO”!

May I propose, that instead of asking such questions, we just make a declaration when addressing suspected deceivers by simply saying “you sir/mam are a liar”! Or if in a hurry we may just opt for the abbreviated “Liar”, preferably at a raised voice for a more forceful delivery!