To crave a smoothie, not the drinking kind but a smoothie of life and all it has to offer. A smoothly blended mixture of all things delivered in a glass to be consumed through a straw. Facts, news, information, products, literature, music, arts, science, friendships, relations, education, thoughts and feelings. Put them all in, press start and blend them together to reach smooth easy to swallow liquid. Suck it all in through a straw. Suck life in. An easily digestible, life. A smooth life. If unpalatable add more sugar, more fat or more salt. Do it until you no longer have to pretend and nod in agreement. When you don’t have to fake conformity. Until it becomes you and you it.
This afternoon I made myself a cup of coffee. I added coco powder, sugar and milk. I put less sugar than normal, only half a tea spoon. The drink was bitter. I had to search my palate and focus really hard to taste the sugar. I took another sip and closed my eyes. The aroma filled my nose first as I held the hot liquid in my mouth. I tasted the thick foamy milk, then my taste buds were once again overwhelmed with bitterness of the coco and espresso. “More sugar!” My reptilian brain demanded. But I paused and resisted the temptation as I swallowed my concoction. Sure enough there it was, the subtle yet unmistakable sweet sugary taste tantalizing my mouth, ever so lightly enticing me to notice, and to want more. I took another sip. This time my brain went to the sweetness first. I noticed that before the bitterness, or perhaps simultaneously. Midway through the cup, which by now had cooled to lukewarm, I had grown accustomed to its taste, its bittersweet taste, I appreciated it and was content to receive this stimulating boost of energy and satiety.
I wonder how many times I have failed to notice the sweet, the delicate and the pleasant core of things because I were too impatient. That I didn’t pause long enough to appreciate the painting, or keep the radio station because the music piece was too slow to peak. How many storied I missed because I didn’t listen long enough to get to the heart of it. A tragic, beautiful, important, humorous, or nonsensical story that was being shared by a friend, a family member, someone at work, or in a book. How often I didn’t hold on to people …
I wonder about my tastes, likes and dislikes My opinions and judgments. How and why the have shaped in this way – the fast way. When did I lose the ability to appreciate things individually, to pause and understand them. I still have teeth and can digest life. I can chew on the ingredients, the delicate ones and the hard ones too. When did life or my expectation of it become such a smoothie?