No instruction manuals …

I talked to a good friend today. Someone with whom I am finding less and less in common and more things to get annoyed or bored with. Yesterday I talked to another dear friend. I truly enjoyed our conversation. I felt close though we are hundreds of miles apart. What is it that makes us enjoy some people more than others? Enjoy one conversation more than another. It can be about the same exact topic with similar views even, yet yield entirely different impressions on our mind.

I feel exhausted when I interact with some people. Energy drains out of me. These feelings are heavy, and unpleasant, weighing me down. Other interactions achieve the opposite, bringing about feelings of content and joy. They induce a pleasant weightless state of harmony, elevating my spirit.
Some friends are good, other are dear. I believe the two are different. Dear ones can bring about deeper feelings of contentment. With good friends, good things happen but typically at a superficial level. Dear friends are closer to the heart.

How does one truly understand her limits, tendencies, likes and dislikes? Not the overt ones or the superficial ones, not as in I like ice cream or I don’t like caviar, but the inner more subtle likes and dislikes that creep up ever so slowly, unannounced. Suddenly they pile up causing a sense disharmony and disequilibrium. Feelings of unease can be overwhelming.

I have come to realize there are no courses, no classes to teach me how to read and more importantly comprehend myself. We did not come into this world with instruction manuals, despite the alluring claims. This is a path I ought take on my own. These are doors only I can open. Even if they turn out to be windows into a dark alley.


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