A good cry (sept 16, 2010)


I cried today. A cry that I had experienced before, tears I had tasted before, the same lump in the throat that had choked me before. Then I let the tears sing my eyes and role across my face. I cried …
With each little drop that blurred my vision, came vivid memories of my past, of my childhood, of my innocence. Was I ever innocent? I guess it didn’t matter anymore, had no relevance. Those I had hurt are long gone from my life and those who misunderstood me have no relevance. Yet somehow I couldn’t shake the urge to seek, to dig deeper into the depths of my memories. Memory… What a word, what a talent, what a skill. I wonder if it is a gift or a curse that chases us until eternity, or perhaps comforts us in times of uncertainty and gives us an escape from reality. Whatever it is, it got me today. It got me good.
So what is it that I am crying for, or to be honest was crying about? Tears have all but tried up and there is the salty residue on my lashes and upper cheeks to remind me …
I remember my childhood, my teenage years. Those days were much easier in so many ways. Although there was war, poverty and cruelty not to mention oppression and cultural isolation, there was hope, a sense of optimism, wonder. A sense of “I can do it”, “I can get there”, I can reach …”. Oh so many possibilities and a virtually blank canvas with wide roads ahead, even if the roads where filled with obstacles. Oh to go back and see the world as I did then, what a world!
I have traveled many roads, reached and overcome many obstacles and have fulfilled many dreams, even if not my own; yet I am left with an empty spot in my heart, or shall I say: mind.
With each little drop, I felt my heart lift a little and my mind a little clearer.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s